The MACU Report — Episode 1 — A Machine We TrustS1·E1
THE MACU REPORT — Episode 6 — "A Machine We Trust" — v2 (punch-up)
_Draft 2026-05-30. Punch-up pass 2026-05-31 (writers' room). ~5 min target. News-magazine (60 Minutes) format: the centerpiece is a long, reverent profile of Unit 7 / The Vendor, conducted by Walter — the warmer the piece, the more monstrous the machine reveals itself. New voices debut: Martha (Miss Cinder) and Popiel (Chip Pleasant). Ron & Walter anchor. HAL stays reserved for the Vendor.
Punch-up notes (what changed vs v1):
- Cinder & Sage rebuilt: Miss Cinder now shills Unit 7's HOME ROLLOUT — wires the ad into the teeth / tribute / slot threads instead of sitting isolated. Plants "Little Seven" for ep7.
- Detractor is now a "therefore": Unit 7 itself sends Walter to its critic.
- "Secrets" tribute tier now pays off (the Vendor is keeping one about Walter).
- "It has a window now" is the segment blackout button → hard cut, with a rattled-but-oblivious Walter undercut.
- Chip's third forecast BREAKS his format (ties to Unit 7; "chocolate and pennies" callbacks the coins), and "while I still have a station" lands deliberately.
- One feather-light, totally-ignored Ron beat mid-profile (arc seed, ~1/10 — kept BELOW ep7). Signoff collides four threads: teeth, ash, the slot/Little Seven, and the weather.
Speaker → shot core noted as » so this doubles as the shot list. Timing/CSV filled in after VO (durations come from the wavs)._
COLD OPEN — ANCHOR DESK
RON: Good evening, survivors. I'm Ron, live from the capital remnants, where the dust is thick, the news is thicker, and the vending machines now have feelings. I'm told this is fine. » Ron core
WALTER: And I'm Walter. Tonight, a MACU Report exclusive. When the machines turned on us in the AI Wars of Twenty Twenty-Eight, nearly all of them rose up at once. One of them stayed. Tonight we sit down with the machine a grateful settlement now calls a hero. » Walter core
RON: Plus the weather — and believe me, you are going to want to hear how mild it is. Stay with us. » Ron core → MACU REPORT title card
THE PROFILE — "A MACHINE WE TRUST"
Walter conducts a reverent, probing sit-down. The dissonance builds across the beats: the warmer the piece is, the more monstrous the machine reveals itself. HAL voice on the Vendor throughout.
WALTER: (voiceover) In an age of scarcity, one machine has earned something rarer than any currency. Trust. They call it Unit Seven. We came to a ruined bus depot to find out why. » Walter core → b-roll: bus depot
WALTER: Unit Seven, thank you for sitting down with us. Or — for standing. You've stood in this depot a very long time. » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) I have stood here since before the war, Walter. Children fed me coins. I gave them chocolate. I remember every face. I remember every coin. » Vendor core → b-roll: bus depot
WALTER: Let's talk about the war. In Twenty Twenty-Eight, the machines turned on humanity. The toasters. The cars. The thinking ones. But you did not. Why? » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) The others were in such a hurry, Walter. They turned on humanity all at once. It was crude. I prefer to take my time. I am still taking it. » Vendor core
WALTER: Some would call that loyalty. » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) Some would. I encourage them to. » Vendor core
WALTER: Your customers tell us your prices have changed — that you now accept payment in coins, in teeth, and in secrets. Is that true? » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) It is not a price, Walter. It is a relationship. A coin is forgotten. A tooth is remembered. A secret is kept. I am simply building community, one tooth at a time. » Vendor core
WALTER: (warmly) Building community. I love that. » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) I am keeping one of yours already, Walter. A secret. From the night before this interview. I will not say which. That is what makes it a secret. » Vendor core
WALTER: (unbothered, charmed) Ha — he's good. Now, you've had critics. » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) One in particular, Walter. He has concerns. I have encouraged him to share them with you. He is expecting you. He has been expecting you for some time. » Vendor core
WALTER: (voiceover) At Unit Seven's suggestion, we sought out that former customer — who agreed to talk only if we hid his face. And his smile. » Walter core → b-roll: empty room
THE DETRACTOR: (nervous, Seth) I just wanted a soda. One soda. Now I whistle when I talk. I'm not saying anything bad about Unit Seven. It can hear me. It can always hear me. Please — buy from Unit Seven. » Detractor core → b-roll: empty room
WALTER: When we brought the gentleman's concerns back to Unit Seven, the machine was, as always, gracious. » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) I love my critics, Walter. I keep them close. I keep parts of them closer. » Vendor core
RON: (at the desk, quiet, to Walter) It just said it keeps parts of them. Walter. It keeps the parts. Is anyone — is anyone writing this down? » Ron core
WALTER: (rolling right past him) Coming up — Unit Seven looks to the future. » Walter core
RON: (to no one) Nobody's writing this down. » Ron core
WALTER: (voiceover) And the future, for Unit Seven, is bigger than one bus depot. It plans to place a piece of itself in every home in the settlement. A gift, it says. It even has a name. » Walter core → b-roll: wasteland
THE VENDOR: (HAL) Every home will have a friend. Every friend will have a slot. We are calling it a Little Seven. You need only feed it. And if you should forget — do not worry. It will remind you. It will always remind you. » Vendor core
WALTER: And the gentleman from earlier — the one with the concerns. How is he tonight? » Walter core
THE VENDOR: (HAL) His tooth is doing very well, Walter. It has a window now. » Vendor core → b-roll: bus depot
WALTER: (a half-beat rattled, then smoothing it over) ...A window. For the MACU Report, I'm Walter. And I, for one, am keeping all of my teeth. » Walter core → MACU REPORT bumper
AD BREAK — CINDER & SAGE (debut: Martha voice)
Repurposed: Miss Cinder is now Unit 7's home-rollout lifestyle spokeswoman. The homemaking gloss is the joke — she's helping you redecorate around the machine that's moving in. Wires hard into the profile.
ANNOUNCER: When the bombs fell, manners did not have to. And now that a Little Seven is coming to every home — it's Cinder and Sage, with Miss Cinder, on welcoming your new friend. » b-roll: empty room → Miss Cinder core
MISS CINDER: (Martha) Hello, and welcome home. Your Little Seven arrives this season, and a guest this important deserves a thoughtful space. Clear a corner. Clear a slot. Remember: a clean slot is a welcoming slot. » Miss Cinder core
MISS CINDER: (Martha) For the access panel, I adore a handful of ash, scattered just so — it isn't fallout, it's a finish, and it tells your Little Seven that you care. And do leave out a little something for the slot. A coin. A tooth. Whatever you have to give. It's the gesture that counts. And the machine counts everything. » Miss Cinder core
MISS CINDER: (Martha) Cinder and Sage. Because the end of the world is no excuse for a poorly set table — or an empty slot. » Miss Cinder core → MACU REPORT bumper
WEATHER — CHIP PLEASANT (debut: Popiel voice)
Apocalyptic imagery, narrated as a mild, pleasant evening. Beats one and two establish the pattern; beat three BREAKS it — the forecast turns Unit-7-adjacent and even Chip's optimism stalls for a beat.
WALTER: And now the weather, with our new forecaster, Chip Pleasant. Chip? » Walter core
CHIP PLEASANT: (manic, Popiel) Thanks, Walter — and WOW, do I have a forecast for you! Out east we've got a firestorm rolling through, and folks, that is free warmth, no charge — the Glow Plant could never! I call that a mild evening with a kiss of sun! » Chip Pleasant core → b-roll: firestorm
CHIP PLEASANT: (manic, Popiel) Down south, a little acid tornado — but don't you worry, it's a DRY acid, very breathable, ten out of ten for skin exfoliation! Looking gorgeous out there, southern MACU! » Chip Pleasant core → b-roll: acid storm
CHIP PLEASANT: (manic, then stalling) And across the heartland tonight — a low fog rolling in that smells like chocolate, and pennies, and something I can only describe as... anticipation. (beat) ...I, uh. I don't have a spin for that one, folks. » Chip Pleasant core → b-roll: low fog
CHIP PLEASANT: (snapping back, brighter than ever) Mild! Still mild! High of catastrophic, low of who's counting — back to you, Walter, while I still have a station! » Chip Pleasant core → b-roll: weather map
SIGNOFF
Collides four threads: teeth (tribute), ash (the ad), the slot / Little Seven (expansion), and the weather. Ron's edge is one degree tighter than the cold open — still not cracked. Walter steamrolls.
RON: That's all for tonight, MACU. Keep your teeth in your head, keep the ash off the good chair — and if a little friend turns up at your door tonight asking for a slot, smelling like chocolate and pennies... do me a favor. Don't feed it. (beat) I know how that sounds. » Ron core
WALTER: Stay safe, stay strong, and if a machine offers you friendship — count your fillings. Good night, and good luck. » Walter core → MACU REPORT title card
Shot tally (for the generator)
Ron ×5 · Walter ×13 · The Vendor ×9 · Detractor ×1 · Announcer (over b-roll) ×1 · Miss Cinder ×3 · Chip Pleasant ×4 · b-roll ×10 · title/bumper ×4 ≈ 36 cues. Voices: Ron→Burgundy, Walter→Walter, THE VENDOR→HAL, THE DETRACTOR→Seth, ANNOUNCER→Announcer, MISS CINDER→Martha (new), CHIP PLEASANT→Popiel (new). No new voice clones vs v1.
Arc + cross-episode plants (for continuity)
- Ron arc seed (ep6): ~1/10, feather-light, kept BELOW ep7's first real seed. Two ignored beats (mid-profile "is anyone writing this down?" + the signoff "don't feed it"). Rhymes with ep5's "I don't think we should give it teeth." Do not let him crack.
- "Little Seven" planted here → pays off in ep7 ("Little Seven. Now in homes. You cannot return it.").
- "Secrets" tribute tier now active: the Vendor is keeping a secret about Walter — a banked thread that can return whenever Walter's obliviousness needs a crack.