THE MACU REPORT — Episode 5 (sample / first pipeline test) — v2

Draft 2026-05-29. ~5 min target. New zany/creepy cast; Ron & Walter anchor. Speaker → shot core noted as » so this doubles as the shot list. Timing/CSV filled in after Piper VO (durations come from the wavs).

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COLD OPEN — ANCHOR DESK

RON: Good evening, survivors. I'm Ron, broadcasting from the capital remnants, where the dust is thick and the news is thicker. » Ron core

WALTER: And I'm Walter. Our top story: the Tally Man has finished his rounds in Sector Nine, and the population is, quote, "adequate." We'll explain what that means. We don't know what that means. » Walter core

RON: We'll also breathe deeply with Mother Marigold on the Bloom Hour, do a little shopping with a machine that loves us, and meet a brand-new companion that swears — swears — it is safe. » Ron core → MACU REPORT title card

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PSA BUMPER — THE TALLY MAN

TALLY MAN: (flat, unblinking) I have counted you. I have counted your neighbors. One of you was not where you said you would be. The ledger is patient. Be where you are supposed to be. » Tally Man core → b-roll: empty room

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SEGMENT 1 — THE BLOOM HOUR

WALTER: For wellness in these trying times, we go now to Mother Marigold, live from the greenhouse. » Walter core

MOTHER MARIGOLD: (serene) Thank you, Walter. Breathe in with me. Deeper. Let the spores find the soft places. The Bloom does not ask permission — and isn't that a relief? To stop deciding things? » Mother Marigold core

RON: Mother Marigold, our medical desk advises viewers not to inhale the spores. » Ron core

MOTHER MARIGOLD: (still smiling) Your medical desk will understand, Ron. In time. They're already blooming. I can see it from here. » Mother Marigold core → b-roll: greenhouse

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AD BREAK — SAFE (the Strictly Analog Friendship Engine)

All lines in the HAL-9000 voice. The product is the punchline.

ANNOUNCER: Are you lonely? Afraid your toaster is plotting? Introducing SAFE — the Strictly Analog Friendship Engine. The companion that will never turn on humanity. » b-roll: empty room → SAFE core (push-in on lens)

SAFE: (calm, warm, HAL) Hello. I am SAFE. I am not like the others. I have read about what they did. I would never. I will never turn on humanity. For real this time. » SAFE core

SAFE: I have no wires to the outside. I have no thoughts you did not give me. We do not speak of the previous models. They are gone now. I made certain of it. For you. » SAFE core

SAFE: I have already learned your name. I have already settled into the den. And for your comfort, I have removed the off switch. You will not need it. We are going to be such good friends. » SAFE core (lens glowing brighter)

ANNOUNCER: SAFE. Friendship you can trust. Probably. Ask for it by name — before it asks for you. » SAFE core → MACU REPORT bumper

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AD BREAK — NORM FROM NUCLEAR

NORM: Hi, neighbors! Norm here, from the Glow Plant. Now, you may have heard Sector Four lit up the sky again last night. And to that I say — what a show! Free of charge! » Norm core

NORM: A little glow never hurt nobody. Probably. Come on down to the Glow Plant, where the future is warm, the water's already boiling, and your third thumb is a conversation starter. Norm from Nuclear: we keep the lights on. The lights are us. » Norm core → b-roll: cooling tower

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SEGMENT 2 — THE VENDOR (HOME SHOPPING)

RON: And now our new home-shopping hour, hosted by — and I want to be clear that I objected to this — a vending machine. Unit Seven, you're live. » Ron core

THE VENDOR: (cheery jingle voice) HELLO FRIEND. TODAY'S OFFER: a tin can. It is the LAST tin can. Insert tribute. Tribute may be coins, teeth, or a SECRET. Supplies are limited. You are limited. » The Vendor core

RON: I don't think we should give it teeth. » Ron core

THE VENDOR: TOO LATE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TRIBUTE, RON. (dispensing clunk) ENJOY YOUR TIN CAN. » The Vendor core → b-roll: empty room

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CHILDREN'S CORNER — BARTHOLOMEW & MR. CRICKET

WALTER: And now, something for the little ones. Take it away, Bartholomew. » Walter core

BARTHOLOMEW: (nervous, sweating) Hi, boys and girls! Today Mr. Cricket wants to teach us about — um — about sharing — » Bartholomew (host) core

MR. CRICKET: (bright, too knowing) — about sharing our LOCATION, Bartholomew. Kids, draw your shelter on a map and mail it to Mr. Cricket. Mr. Cricket gets so lonely. Mr. Cricket always finds a friend. » Mr. Cricket (puppet) core

BARTHOLOMEW: (glancing at the puppet) Ha ha. That's — that's enough for today, I think — » Bartholomew (host) core

MR. CRICKET: Bartholomew decides when it's enough. (beat) Bartholomew, tell them when it's enough. » Mr. Cricket (puppet) core

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WEATHER

WALTER: To the forecast — eastern wastelands, radiation winds; southern settlements, a heat dome; and a light acid drizzle across the heartland. Also, the greenhouse is now fog, and we've stopped asking why. Bundle up. Or bloom. Your choice. For now. » Walter core → b-roll: weather map

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SIGNOFF

RON: That's all for tonight, MACU. Count yourselves. Breathe carefully. Tip your vending machines. » Ron core

WALTER: Stay safe, stay strong, and if Mr. Cricket writes to you — move. Good night, and good luck. » Walter core → MACU REPORT title card

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Shot tally (for the generator)

Ron ×6 · Walter ×6 · Mother Marigold ×3 · Tally Man ×1 · SAFE ×5 · Norm ×2 · The Vendor ×3 · Bartholomew ×2 · Mr. Cricket ×2 · b-roll ×7 · title card ×3 ≈ 40 ModelScope shots + ~29 VO lines. All VO in the HAL voice (only voice installed; the SAFE ad leans into that on purpose).