Mayor Awesome - I got your memes right here pal.

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I got your memes right here pal.

Written by Mayor Awesome

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

Alright you little bastards (Not you Mom). Here's a little primer on internet memes. WTF is a meme you ask? Ask Google. The Google knows all. If you ask me, I'll just Google it, so save me the trouble. How about this, I'll give you a nice juicy link to the Google right HERE. Go forth and know junk!

BTW, I just tried to go to http://TheGoogle.com and it doesn't exist. Perhaps an oversight by the Google? I should jump on that. How many times have you heard your grandmother say "I saw that Chuck Norris on the Google. What a nice boy he is. I bet he has a cute tushie." None, but if it ever happens, you'd be sorry if you went to http://TheGoogle.com and didn't see it. Well wouldn't you?

Speaking of two buck Chuck, back to the memes:

Chuck Norris and his supposed "FACTS"

It's a well know fact that there are several "FACTS" associated with Mr. Norris. To wit:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

And so on and so forth. The truth of the matter is much more dastardly: Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep (apparently he sleeps on the ample bosom of Wonder Woman. Who knew?). The point of the whole thing is that Chuck Norris has embodied that whole "Internet Meme" thing. Son of a bitch even endorses it. Actually he's probably hard up for cash lately. You ever see that Mountain Dew commercial where he beats up the two tool bags who make fun of him on the internet? He basicly shows up and looks mean at them. He doesn't even TRY to kick their ass. WTF is that? PLUS! When you get a close up shot of his face, you can see the caked on makeup barely holding his beard in place. Dude's gettin' old and doing all of those infomercials isn't helping anything.

That freakin Star Wars Kid

God Bless the little porker. At first you think he's awkward and you feel bad for him then you realize he's French Canadian and it explains everything. Really, he is. I read it on the Intarweebs! Dude films himself acting out a scene from Star Wars, leaves the tape laying around and then is surprised to find that he "friends" posted it on the internets. Now to be fair, back then portable media had only been available for 60 or so years, so can you blame him for thinking it was safe? RIght. So his family sues the pants off his "friends" and eventually gets something like $350K Canadian Loonies which is something outrageous like $350K in American Fun Bucks. They claimed he "had to endure, and still endures today, harassment and derision from his high-school mates and the public at large." You wanna hear about harassment? Try being on the swim team when you're 14 years old, getting locked out of the pool area by your "friends" and you have to sneak through the cafeteria in your damn speedo to get to the back door. It happened to this guy I know. You don't know him. Some other guy. Not me. You probably don't even know him so don't even ask about it. Anyway, here's this kids 1:48 of fame:

All your base are belong to us

This is one of my favorites. Big nerd factor. All your base are blong to us is from this old Sega game called Zero Wing. I never played the darn thing but I think I'd like to if I had the chance. Just for the kitsch factor. The game features an opening sequence with a horribly munged Engrish translation. Then some dudes took that, put a craptastic Unf-Unf-Unf techno soundtrack to it and some photoshop jobs featuring the slogan together. You can check it out here. It's pretty fun. It filtered down into gaming culture and then in to pop culture. I even asked a chick out using the line. She was a nerd too, so I figured she'd get it. Here's what I said:

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

Swing and a miss. (Donna, if you're reading this, I want my headphones back)

BTW, I totally ripped that poem off from here.

Little Superstar

If there's anything I'm FOR (as opposed to AGAINST), it's kids dancing and smoking. Here's the scene: Dad's got all of his bastard children in one room to watch the runt dance like a damn oompa loompa. Mom comes in breaks up the party, then dad give the kid a smoke to stunt his growth. Step three: Profit! I tell you what. When I finally make a little Mayor, I'm gonna make him dance and smoke just like this kid. Smoking is cool kids! Keep doing it!

Alright that's enough for now. I'll update this later when I feel like it.

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