Drinking and driving ain't cool. Drinking and driving in video games just gives me a headache. Drinking and blogging ends up being embarassing. Video games have long been accused of being the cause of murder, sex and drug abuse. Kotaku takes the issue head on with their experiament: Grand Theft Audo DUI.
Awesome Townies believe strongly that the internets shouldn't be based on a "tiered" system of access. Providing more bandwith to some sites while limiting bandwith to other sites would break the internets. Ars Technica has a great article about where Barack and John stand on issues of net neutrality:
In terms of the candidates' broader philosophies on tech issues, Weitzner primarily relied on Obama's lengthy white paper. He stressed Obama's commitment to using technology as a means of promoting greater openness in government, and touted his plan to name a federal government–wide Chief Technology Officer to coordinate policy across the alphabet soup of federal agencies. Playing to the civil libertarian crowd, he also stressed Obama's anti-censorship approach to child protection, centered on prosecution of child exploiters and technological empowerment of parents.
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And in case you were wondering, Fish reassured us that McCain "does know how to use e-mail... and a few other modern conveniences."
Great. McCain knows how to use the emails and a fucking microwave. :-/ Read the full article here.
Geeks are revered in Awesome Town. Members of the city counsel are split 70/30 in favor of geeks. The other 30% who are not geeks consist of super patriots, porn stars, facial hair enthusiats and your mom. That's right. I went THERE. 56 geeks.
Going on RIGHT NOW Till 5 PM Pacific Bushleague.tv is about to beat a gaming world record by playing GTA IV for 25 hours straight. You can check out the stream HERE, and their site (about to launch but here it is anyway) HERE . There's a video stream of Jim playing and a camera on the screen too. Once in a while people will pop in and out and talk to Jim. Bonus points if you can spot the toolbag in the suit.
I picked up my copy of GTA IV yesterday and it's officially "Tits" in my book. In fact, I'm gonna take off of early from my Mayoral "Duties" today to go kill some hookers. Heck to the Y-E-S I am.
So here's a vid of the mod I did to my Rock Band guitar. The tilt switch was screwed up, so I had my friend Dan put a momentary switch in there. I finished up the job by mounting and soldering it onto the guitar, but I screwed it up a bit. Check out the video here:
Hello my little dungaries. It's been a while, but the Mayor has been very busy with... Mayoral stuff. I don't have to explain myself to you!
So the Awesome Town Climbing Team (better known as LCO) had a team trip out to Red Rocks, Las Vegas last week. I took some pictures and some video. The video will be up in a bit. I left my battery charge for my video camera out in Las Vegas. :-\ LAME. Anyway check out the pics!
I've tried not to say up until this point who I was going to support in this years Presidential election. I wanted time to make a proper decision and I knew that my support might swing the vote in favor of my candidate. Being a politician myself, I understand that. People have called it the "A" factor. Oprah's got her "O" factor, I've got an "A" Factor (I think there is a need for more factors that are just single letter vowels. I'm just sayin). Well super Tuesday is coming up and my guy is almost neck and neck with Hillary. Here, check out the Gallup Poll. Now these are national polls so they have less to do with what's going to happen this Tuesday, but it'll give you an idea. Whoever wins the Democratic primary is going to be the next president. Let's make sure the next president is an agent of change, not a trip back to the past (Glorious as it was before GWB). Barack gives us hope. Watch this video, read the trascript, do your research, VOTE.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change.
We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.
Yes we can.
It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom through the darkest of nights.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballot; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality. Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity. Yes we can heal this nation. Yes we can repair this world. Yes we can.
Alright you little bastards (Not you Mom). Here's a little primer on internet memes. WTF is a meme you ask? Ask Google. The Google knows all. If you ask me, I'll just Google it, so save me the trouble. How about this, I'll give you a nice juicy link to the Google right HERE. Go forth and know junk!
BTW, I just tried to go to http://TheGoogle.com and it doesn't exist. Perhaps an oversight by the Google? I should jump on that. How many times have you heard your grandmother say "I saw that Chuck Norris on the Google. What a nice boy he is. I bet he has a cute tushie." None, but if it ever happens, you'd be sorry if you went to http://TheGoogle.com and didn't see it. Well wouldn't you?
It's a well know fact that there are several "FACTS" associated with Mr. Norris. To wit:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
And so on and so forth. The truth of the matter is much more dastardly: Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep (apparently he sleeps on the ample bosom of Wonder Woman. Who knew?). The point of the whole thing is that Chuck Norris has embodied that whole "Internet Meme" thing. Son of a bitch even endorses it. Actually he's probably hard up for cash lately. You ever see that Mountain Dew commercial where he beats up the two tool bags who make fun of him on the internet? He basicly shows up and looks mean at them. He doesn't even TRY to kick their ass. WTF is that? PLUS! When you get a close up shot of his face, you can see the caked on makeup barely holding his beard in place. Dude's gettin' old and doing all of those infomercials isn't helping anything.
That freakin Star Wars Kid
God Bless the little porker. At first you think he's awkward and you feel bad for him then you realize he's French Canadian and it explains everything. Really, he is. I read it on the Intarweebs! Dude films himself acting out a scene from Star Wars, leaves the tape laying around and then is surprised to find that he "friends" posted it on the internets. Now to be fair, back then portable media had only been available for 60 or so years, so can you blame him for thinking it was safe? RIght. So his family sues the pants off his "friends" and eventually gets something like $350K Canadian Loonies which is something outrageous like $350K in American Fun Bucks. They claimed he "had to endure, and still endures today, harassment and derision from his high-school mates and the public at large." You wanna hear about harassment? Try being on the swim team when you're 14 years old, getting locked out of the pool area by your "friends" and you have to sneak through the cafeteria in your damn speedo to get to the back door. It happened to this guy I know. You don't know him. Some other guy. Not me. You probably don't even know him so don't even ask about it. Anyway, here's this kids 1:48 of fame:
All your base are belong to us
This is one of my favorites. Big nerd factor. All your base are blong to us is from this old Sega game called Zero Wing. I never played the darn thing but I think I'd like to if I had the chance. Just for the kitsch factor. The game features an opening sequence with a horribly munged Engrish translation. Then some dudes took that, put a craptastic Unf-Unf-Unf techno soundtrack to it and some photoshop jobs featuring the slogan together. You can check it out here. It's pretty fun. It filtered down into gaming culture and then in to pop culture. I even asked a chick out using the line. She was a nerd too, so I figured she'd get it. Here's what I said:
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base Are belong to you
Swing and a miss. (Donna, if you're reading this, I want my headphones back)
If there's anything I'm FOR (as opposed to AGAINST), it's kids dancing and smoking. Here's the scene: Dad's got all of his bastard children in one room to watch the runt dance like a damn oompa loompa. Mom comes in breaks up the party, then dad give the kid a smoke to stunt his growth. Step three: Profit! I tell you what. When I finally make a little Mayor, I'm gonna make him dance and smoke just like this kid. Smoking is cool kids! Keep doing it!
Alright that's enough for now. I'll update this later when I feel like it.
Seriously. I my life has been enriched by the internets. It has provided me a steady job, housing, chicks (hot, naked, or otherwise), food, clothing, and most of all: cultural enrichment. Boys and girls of Awesome Town, I give you a nearly 3 minute long video of a German midget laughing at a camel with some Lion King music in the background. The little guy nearly coughs up a lung from laughin so hard. This was shot a long time ago, and I have to do some more research on this but I think this was directed by David Lynch.
If a time traveler from two hundred years ago suddenly popped into my bachelor pad and asked me "What's up w/ 2K7 Yo?" First I'd tell him that we don't talk like that. Go back to the 90's asshole. Then I'd tell him about cars, airplanes, cellphones, antibiotics, and the mother flippin internets. And you know the fist thing I'd show him? That video. I'd say, "Say there ol' chap," (I'm just assuming he's British and so to make him feel more comfortable in his strange new surroundings, I'd speak his version of English to make he feel more at ease). I'd say "Say there ol' chap, here is what we call the internets. With this tool you can find any piece of information known to Man. Say you'd like to see a moving picture of a German midget laughing at a camel. You can simply type this query in here and bang goes the dynamite, there it is." Then I'd show him how to get porn and his life would be ruined. U-S-A! U-S-A!
And What image does this conjure up? The Hoff is clean? He's looking out for your hygine? That some how somewhere down the line, one of his handlers came up to him and asked him if it was okay to use his image in a soap dispenser and white "stuff" would come out of it if you pushed the little button on his package. Uh-huh. Thought so. Anyway, I'm getting these installed in the Mayor's Office personal shitter.
Hat tip to my buddy Andy Bakun from ThwartedEfforts for this one. Thomas Dolby, Herbie Hancock, Stevie Wonder and some other dude (Sorry other dude), strut thier stuff with a bunch of syths. 1) This is some hot shit. 2) In 1985 this was revolutionary. This was a showcase of how far we've come in music. Sure it sounded like ass, but it was brand new ass! Luckily we got most of the synth craze out of our systems and have grown up a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for a synth. One of my old bosses gave me an Arp Axxe after working a summer job for him in Texas (Yeah summer in Texas, good freaking idea). That thing was the coolest toy I ever owned. I learend all about Synth music from that thing. But now I've graduated into the hipster musak with gentle horns soft guitars and songs that make you feel WAYS about STUFF. Word Homie. Check it:
Oh yeah, aparently there's some controversy as to weather or not some of this musak was pre-recorded. Anyone know anything about that? I'm mean there's obviously some samples in there, and they prolly set up the drums ahead of time, but so what? Right? That's the point when you've got a machine making music for you. Hi ho.
Hrm.... iPhone or Lego Millennium Falcon? iPhone or Lego Millennium Falcon? Oh wait. I already have an iPhone, so Millennium Falcon. :) Wonderbar!
Lego finally shipped my dream come true, the Millennium Falcon . It's Lego's biggest set ever and they did it right. The manual for this beast weighs in at 4 pounds(!).
This is the kind of shit that breaks me down to an eight year old again. I still have all of my old legos. Two mamoth boxes of them. Now that I'm older, I know what finacial ruin I must have put my parents through asking for Legos all the freaking time. $499 is a lot to drop on a set of Legos (Limit 5 per customer!), but I think the target market for this isn't the eight year old brat down the street. No. It's me. Male, 18-35, disposable income, shirts with clever phrases on them... NERD. This hits my sweet spot. This is soul melting.
Who's down? We could fly in, fly out. It'd be sick shit. This is almost better than watching midget wrestling, a staple of entertainment in Awesome Town.
Hey Kids. I'm off to Toronto for a week so updates might be sporatic (not that you'd notice the difference I guess). But here's a nice little video you can pass around at the office. Ladies and Germs, I bring you the Hipster Olympics:
Going on RIGHT NOW Till 5 PM Pacific 
